Written by Kieran Murphy
Tuesday, 01 November 2011
It's not me, it's you. You've changed. I used to feel like we understood each other, but these days you just take care of yourself and to hell with what I think.
Remember the good times? I'll never forget those amazing years, from 1996 til 1998 when it felt like everything you did was right. But since then, I just feel like we're growing apart. We're interested in different things. It's not about money. Well, okay it's partially about money, but then it always was with you. You were materialistic when we met and I never judged you for it. You knew I was slightly pretentious and you were okay with that. But sometime since then we got lost and even though sometimes I see the glimmer of the old you, I just feel like you're trying to impress other people and that I don't matter anymore.
We'd been together for such a long time, but it wasn't until I really started to grow up that I noticed you. I was young, impressionable and you had The Big Lebowski and Grosse Pointe Blank. How could I not be impressed? Here's this stupid kid from the country, unsure of himself, branching out and you came across so confident, so worldly, how could I resist? Even when you were playing for cheap laughs or purposefully tugging at the heartstrings you always retained your dignity. It's what I liked about you best; you weren't afraid to say "I like Keanu Reeves!"
I visited you all the time, such was my obsession. I even saw your lesser work, because I felt like I could support you no matter what. We made mistakes, sure, everybody does. Someone wise once said "you have to go there to come back", but a Justin Beiber movie?? Fast and Furious 5? Another version of Footloose?? How could you?
So someone told you they really liked your reboots so now you wear them all the time. You can't do that! If you don't save them for special occasions they're not special anymore!
Oh sure, I'm not going to pretend How Stella Got Her Groove Back didn't happen. I was hurt, but I thought we could put it behind us and move forward. But you just kept going didn't you? You had to keep taunting me. Step Up! and Disturbia and Final Destination 5 Bazillion.
You think the 3D makes you look younger but I'm here to tell you that you look ridiculous, like you're trying to be cool. Sometimes, I want to beg you to change your mind, just stop and think about what you're doing but as long as you keep getting paid, I know you don't care what I think. Well go ahead. Just don't come crying to me when your new friends don't want you anymore.